


Touch

by CjDragonessHeart



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Whump, Connor Deserves Happiness, Depression, Other, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Connor (Detroit: Become Human), like hell I'm gonna give it to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 07:11:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20502947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CjDragonessHeart/pseuds/CjDragonessHeart
Summary: Connor struggles with understanding whether or not he's a bad person because when he hugs someone who's sad, he enjoys it.Then he gets sad and needs a hug.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be more touch-starved but it ended up with me giving Connor depression and honestly if that doesn't say something about me than I don't know what does.  
First time posting here, whoop rip into me

It occurs to him when Hank first hugs him how much he craves it. Every time Hank has put a hand on him, he’s felt _good._ Or maybe it was something else. Knowing adjectives and their definitions was different to feeling them, and putting labels on those feelings and sensations. There was separating the negative and the positive, in which he could identify what was harmful and what was beneficial and/or harmless. Pain was simple. It notified of damage, and such a sensation was to be avoided. Fear warned him of danger, encouraging him to escape such a situation. Positive sensations… were more difficult. 

So, whenever Hank put an arm around Connor, he found himself leaning into it. Touch was completely unnecessary in an android, but it was incredibly important in humans, as they were social animals. This is likely one of the key factors in the creation of androids, having been originally something that did not require consent to touch. Of course, now that was different. Now, it was back to before the age of androids, now it was back to learning what was socially acceptable to a new race of people and what wasn’t. He doubted that many humans would be so keen to even attempt to learn; humans had a notorious history of prejudice towards those that were different, were it skin colour, opinions, gender, sex, or sexual preferences and identity. This was an evolutionary trait that had been evolved to prevent any harm coming from enemy groups, though it was unneeded in today’s age and society. 

When it came to touch,  <strike> deviants </strike> androids were varied with what level they were comfortable with, much like humans. Of course, this could easily be predicted based on their treatment before deviancy and their model. If they were left alone, never touched and/or ignored, they were either indifferent or craved it. If an android has been abused or used for sexual pleasure were likely to avoid it, responding to touch at times with either outright aggression and hostility or fear. Child models such as the YK500 usually craved touch and attention, as per their programming — though this, of course, varied.

Humans, on the other hand, required it in order to develop properly. Touch was a way of communication, a way to express gratitude or sadness, excitement or relief. Just giving an infant physical touch could affect its social, mental and emotional development. It improves mental health and prevents loneliness. 

This occurs to Connor one night when Hank is seemingly inconsolable, staring at the picture of Cole and shaking as he sobs at the dinner table. Sumo has his head on Hank’s lap, whining and licking him. 

“Lieutenant?” Connor calls out, quietly as he approached him. “Hank?” 

Hank looks up at him, lifting an arm up. Connor hesitates before stepping forward, being pulled into a bone-crushing hug by Hank, sobbing into his shoulder. The position is awkward and strenuous for a human in Connor’s position, but as an android he doesn’t have to worry about pain in nonexistent muscles so Connor just hugs him in return, waiting until Hank pulls away. It isn’t the last time this occurs, and he doubts that it will be the last for a long time.

Despite this happening when Hank is in a state of extreme distress, when he’s overcome by sadness, Connor finds comfort in it. Despite this being hell for Hank, Connor _likes_ it. Every time he wonders if he’s a bad person for it if he’s taking pleasure from someone else’s misery. It’s confusing, and he doesn’t know the answer to it. A part of him wants to ask, to understand and ask if this is normal. A part of him is too afraid to ask Hank or anyone else, afraid of what they would think of him. 

<strike> He never thought he’d get so intimate with an emotion like fear. </strike>

Connor is an RK800 model, CyberLife’s latest prototype. He was created to become a Deviant, despite being explicitly made to hunt deviants and Amanda discouraging him any time he showed signs of deviancy. Despite being an android, he could not stand still, having an innate need to fiddle; to observe and analyse. 

And it _frustrates_ him. 

He was programmed to do one thing when his true purpose was another, he was made to do one thing but completely forbidden from doing it. He was doomed to fail from the start. And now, in the wake of it all, he’d done nothing he was supposed to do, and he had no mission, no CyberLife, no Zen Garden and _no Amanda_.

He had his job at the DPD, his programming and ability to hunt down criminals and androids alike with infinite energy quickly becoming an invaluable asset to an overworked and understaffed police force; but ultimately he still feels conflicted about everything that happened. He had needling little thoughts that sounded far too much like Amanda, doubts and worries that were unwarranted, ranging from ‘they’ll betray you’ to ‘you’ll betray them’. He has no reason to have these thoughts. He knows this. Yes, he betrayed Amanda, but it was so he could help the  <strike> deviants </strike> androids get recognised for what they really were. When he was trapped in the Zen Garden, he had no right to feel betrayed by Amanda when she tells him his true purpose. He had no right to feel as though she had lied to him the whole time when ultimately he had been the one who lied. He’d taken back control, and he **hadn’t** killed Markus, he hadn’t betrayed them. 

So why does he feel like this?

Connor sits in the dark room, his red LED the only thing lighting the room. It’s late, and Hank is asleep judging by the loud snoring coming from his room. 

{LEVEL OF STRESS: 84%}

It’s funny, he thinks. It doesn’t quite _feel_ like stress. He doesn’t feel afraid, not quite like he’s about to explode. It’s more like how he’s heard Markus describe Carl’s death; overwhelmingly sad. He’s aware that he’s crying (he wasn’t even aware that RK800 models _could_ cry) and the red from his LED is enough of a sign to cause concern, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He wants… 

He wants touch. 

He looks over to Sumo.

[OBJECTIVE: PET SUMO]

Connor rises from the couch, walking over quietly and sitting down cross-legged at Sumo’s side. He puts his hands on his back, feeling the thick fur under them. He pets him slowly, not wanting to wake him up, but still lacking the sensation he craves. Still, this was as good as he was going to get. 

Of course, then he feels his processor get another wave of negative signals, the thoughts coming back in full force. 

{LEVEL OF STRESS: 86%}

More tears come spilling out, and his vocal synthesiser makes an involuntary whine. Sumo lifts his head, and Connor stops his ventilation, squeezing his eyes shut. This isn’t working. As great as dogs are, they don’t have the same effects on androids as they do humans. They don’t get a rush of oxytocin when they look into a dog’s eyes, they don’t get the same chemical rush. 

He **didn’t** betray Markus, he **didn’t** ruin everything. He has no reason to feel like this, there _was_ no reason to feel like this. But of course, deviancy made no fucking sense, and neither did glitches in software that people called ‘emotions’. 

He needs Hank. He needs to feel safe, and Hank feels _safe_.

Connor feels Sumo lean into his face, sniffing it before he licks it; recoiling and getting up to go to his water dish. (Guess android tears don’t taste very good.) Opening his eyes and getting up, Connor heads to Hank’s room. Quietly, he opens the door and slips inside, illuminating the room with an anxious yellow. Crouching to the side of Hank’s bed, he starts shaking him gently. It takes a bit until Hank groans and opens his eyes. 

“Connor?” He slurs, squinting at him against the light. “What’s wrong?” 

_I don’t know._

He can feel his tears start dripping off his face, the yellow turning into a red. Hank sits up, more alert than he was a moment ago. He puts his hands on Connor’s shoulders as if to get him to look at him. “Connor, hey, what’s wrong?” He asks again softly, waiting for Connor to answer. Instead, the android just leans forward; wrapping his arms around Hank. As expected, big arms enclose around him, and Connor already beings feels better. 

{LEVEL OF STRESS: 61%}

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” Hank whispers as he begins to rock back forth, forcing Connor to sit on the bed beside him. “You’re ok, you’re alright.” Connor buries his face in his shoulder as a new wave of emotion hits him again, making his ventilation stutter. Hank begins to rub his back in a circle, whispering reassurances to him and giving the top of his head a kiss. 

Distantly, a part of him wonders if Hank finds this nice. 


End file.
